PhoeNixAngeL™ 凤凰天使™

Death of a student

2005-08-03T12:11:00.000+08:00

In light of the series of unfortunate events, i henceforth dedicate my poem to that girl who passed away, reasons aside, and pray she'd pass on in peace

Light Recedes
the world closes in
futile crys of mercy
jerks
all has frozen

a vast wide sea
over the horizon
an immaculate sun
beams
hope flows

narrow paths
surrounded by green expanse
of unblemished grass
where souls
rest
in perpetual peace

Biting my teeth

2005-08-03T11:59:00.000+08:00

This school is increasing ridiculous. I've just walked out of an unproductive economics lecture. Preceding the lecture, notes were being chaotically distributed. Not much efficiency should be expected. Afterall, i'm growing plain tired of this uneventful junior college. Guess what happened. Teacher's notes were accidentally distributed in the midst of confusion, and the teacher demanded it back beacause they had additional diagrams. Due to a lethargic response, she threatened that if anyone were to keep it, if uncovered during the next tutorial, the culprit would be sent for disciplinery action. Newton's third law states action=reaction, and hence my reaction was WHAT THE F^&%!!!

As if that was ridiculous, i just realised i've got myself into trouble with the mathematic tutor, and am helplessly parrying off all attacks. Look, if we have mutual hate, then so be it, i ignore you, you ignore me. Fair enough, end of story. But sometimes people just are so tempted to pick up the pen and add the word 'skulduggery' in it. He in turn handed our names to the HoD, and surfaced during lecture, while myraid others aren't at the canteen. YES, those who read my blog would find it ridiculous... it is...

Life life life... the only good part about it now, is my darling angel... hehe

Everyone let's pick up our mugs and toast to JC life!

2005-06-13T20:36:00.000+08:00

Congrats! Another colloquail term! "Mug"!
MuG
verb.
the act of studying insanely for the sake of scoring well in examinations

oh great! after breadthing the air of this brand new environment, i'm starting to discover its true essence. It's all about mugging! great! Everyone around me, including people who were once compulsive non-muggers, have picked up their books and went on the roll. sounds a little ridiculous, i shouldnt even be yelling my head out since mugging is an inevitable act in our society treated with much dignity and respect. Therefore i have to start myself, to remain competitive albeit it's futility. i promised my angel 4 plots of land anyway =D

i have not started on project work yet. again it seems my life is screwed. but i will find a way to get myself outta this next wave of tsunami... oh well.. good luck to me, good luck to all. signing off

Long Time No See!

2005-06-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

Notice i used a title with colloquail title. Oh yes why? Because i'm trying hard to show everyone i'm singaporean! Nah just kidding...

Oh well as the name suggest, it's been eons since i've last blogged. Again a colloquail term. What's WRONG with me? urgh...

Alright, why haven't i been making blog entries? Junior College life is 'stressful'. Not really. Well, since my little secret is known by many, i'll just let the elephant out of the bag. Oops, i mean, cat out of the bag. I've been dating a cute girl! haha... whee...

Wanna know more? try stalking us =p

oh well, those people out there who are handsomely paid by the government or organizations to check if my blog has hate mail, i hate to say it but, you've come to the wrong blog. sorry, none here, though i do not deny i harbour resentment towards SOME of them... stop jamming up the bandwidth! please! the internet has enough lag! argh... and come on, we're here to socialize not hurl bolders. We're not anti social! oh !%^&!@#$%^&*^$^&@#

Degradation

2005-03-11T21:01:00.000+08:00

So, would people once again come up to me and say "yo chimmo, what's that new chim word?". I'd say, are you sure you have no idea what the word "degrade" means? I'll whack you =p

Oh great. Now what's going on? i realised my skills to play have finally been diminishing. play what? EVERYTHING. My cs skills are spiralling down, my saxophone sounds like a rusty old speaker blurting out its last few beats, and finally dying to mere coughs of nonsensical sounds. What?! am i slacking too much? ok probably i should take down my pride to a much MUCH lower level. 12 points for playing lan... It isnt marvelous! i've got to forget it! i must tell myself i mugged like a crazy bugger...

ah isnt life just getting better? or worse? should i commit to a band now or not? or let fate decide where i end up? hmmmm...

ARGHHHHHHHHHH CURSE YOU M O E!!!

Drawing the line

2005-03-10T21:55:00.000+08:00

As we go along in life, we find ourselves making choices. I'd refer that to drawing the line, although it isnt the actual meaning. Yet isnt drawing the line a choice? Let's just read it in a metaphorical sense. We decide what we would do, what we want to be etc. Have you ever gotten troubled over making a choice? Have you been prudent while making it? Choices branch out to more choices, prudence is a significant quality this way.

Recently, i found myself making myraids of choices. More than i've ever handled. Probably a complication of the kind of life i'm living now. No longer just about oblivion and happy-go-lucky, but about finding the joy in making someone happy, about caring deeply for someone else. Of course, drawing the line in such relationships can be a problem. Mutual compromisation must achieve, and it's the worst line to draw. The nature of such line is such that both parties feel satisfied, yet in a situation where compromise is required, one party would feel oppressed or devoid of it. That is compromise. Giving and taking. What happens when YOU are the oppressed party? Thought about it? I have. It's giving. Just let it go? that would depend on you. I've decided to let go.

Let me conclude by thanking all those who take pain in reading my humble blog. Especially when at times it is rather cynic, and most of the time boring.

P.S. For some reason i'd like using the term "drawing the line". As i understand this generates confusion, i've decided to define them here. Choice, is making a decision. Drawing the line is making limits.

Magical

2005-02-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

Everyday in our lives, we communicate and interact with people from all woks of life. We learn about friendship, we learn about partnerships, and even love. God decided we should not have the capability to read other's minds. Morally, it's inetiquette, involving the unpermitted intrusion of a person's thoughts. On the other hand, God wants us to learn something. He wants us to understand trust. He wants us not to remain dubious to the people around us, but learn to trust what they think. It took myriads of mistakes that i made to realise this.

Now when i've finally learnt to trust, things go much better. Of course, at times judgement can be wrong, but i can say that if it is wrong, something will tickle you gently. Now that i know my feelings towards her and her feelings towards me were so much more than i thought it was, i feel relief. Rare relief. For 16years , each time this day comes, it is naught but a routine, unvarying day. Yet this day, despite it's short moments of about half an hour, it was magical. Like all of a sudden, your worries and fears whirled into the hole of an abyss, and all light surrounds you. You succumb to auras of comfort and sensuality, the feeling like never before.

And now i shall persist and continue to ponder over Rene Descartes' philosphies, for i feel there is much truth in there that is so important... Nice day to all. Hope you spent a fruitful valentine's day. Happy fixing my blog now...

Time

2005-02-12T23:40:00.000+08:00

Time flies. One ponders over such a perplexing dimension. It is evident time cannot be regained. Time makes things, time heals things, time destroys, time does alot of things.

Time.

As the special day closes, love seems to fill the air as we see many pairs of lovebirds rushing around. Albeit my absence today at the old class gathering, i can tell that friendship is soon breaking up into partnership. Oddly quick, isnt it so? Yet they come and go together, soon they would be unattached from the main group, and the chain of friendships would grow ever weak. The strength of a chain is also the strength of the weakest link. Are we failing? Has friendship yet failed? i question myself about balance. Lately i've been troubled by many things that cross my mind and path. Balance? SCREW BALANCE. HELL IS GONNA BREAK LOOSE. yep our dear constantine said that.

Why do we live? To come into a world of anguish and suffering? Or to experience joy and love? What are we? A mere figment of somebody's imagination? Could we be just immaterial? like tha matrix? Why? Why is not the question. Why is the answer. The fact we question our existance proves we exist. If we know the answer, we wouldnt exist. My philosphy here may not make sense, but i'll attempt to crystallise it when i've put enough thought into it...

Now.. to settle my love life that is growing a LITTLE BIT wayward... fix fix tinker tinker

My Great Blog...

2005-02-09T21:34:00.000+08:00

Great. Today, as the practice of all chinese around the year, many old things are cleared. A new year they proclaim. I anxiously wanted to fix my bugged blog template, and poof, with the rash click of the mouse, my blog's back to square one. I apologise for not doing the links. I assure everyone i'll fix it soon.

The Cross Country And Such

2005-02-09T00:56:00.000+08:00

8th Febuary, 2005
Another routine day? Not really. Today was our school's annual cross-country day. Also, the eve of the chinese new year. Ah well, it started out really bad. For no apparent reason, my wallet ostensibly vanished into thin air. For a moment it was there, right beside my handphone. The next, it disappears. Rather perplexing, i have not found time to think about it. I was troubled for almost the entire morning. I still managed to complete that arduous task of running 4.8km (i never had stamina).

Fortunately, i do have good friends around me. They make my day. Especially her. Sigh till now i feel so bad my lack of prudence had resulted in the loss in opportunity to watch a movie. I've found a way to make up for my ignorance. Anyway, i was feeling extremely tired after the run, and couldnt do much window shopping either. That only adds pain to the guilt that already resides in my heart.

Have i done enough? Hmmm... i do not know why.

Has my blog become my dairy? i'd like to think so. The origin of the term blog was supposed to be an internet diary anyway, is was not meant to be some fancy complaint site where people shove comments to prove their recalcitrance against a certain organization WHATEVER..................

My first consolation : my soprano sax playing does not suck. It was due to my utmost ignorance where i forgot to check the background of the bandword before buying the instrument. My soprano was faulty. Thank you, oh sly and cunning bandworld. To think i always gave my unwavering support for you. Dishonesty! No passion in the customer's interest! I'm NEVER EVER going back to them. NEVER!!! YOU HEAR ME YOU SLY LITTLE $^#&$%*%#$^*%#&%*#*^#&*$^#&%#$&$

so damn personal

2005-02-05T09:45:00.000+08:00

Life is perplexing. Or is it how we make it seem? Everyday we are rushing. We neglect people around us? How can i finally admit what i truly felt, yet turn around and ignore it?

Questions. Questions that are left unanswered. They would never end. Like the mysterious DNA, building blocks in life. Unravel one, you have so much more to unravel. We only understand so much. Why does life often go the way you do not want it to go? One can only wonder...

Sigh... I often questioned purpose, yet i get no answer. Philosophers defined it, but philosphies remain fogged. I can only question, and leave the question unanswered...

Silence

2005-02-01T22:05:00.000+08:00

ahhhh

pathetic me

2005-01-31T21:28:00.000+08:00

why is it i do not dare
to speak of which i really care
why cant i just open my trap
to let sweet words flow like a rap

nevermind... back to today, coz today is today and it's a boring day and like i'm a loser doing it the loser's way.... .. .. . .. . ..... .. . . . .....

Pathetic Me

2005-01-30T19:37:00.000+08:00

My Day

2005-01-30T09:05:00.000+08:00

Blogspot. Many read and appreciate what i write. I thank all my myraid of friends who unhesistantly pour concern over me, in times of trail and tribulations.

Before the stroke of midnight, something crawled in the shadows the day before. It crept surreptitiously around me. The devil i thought, it always had been. But as i reached out to my surroundings, i felt an aura of courage. The aura swallowed me, and surged my courage to a new level. My heart sped, all of a sudden, i did something i thought was stupid. I really did. For a moment i was sent spiralling down a series of emotions. Doubt, uncertainty, humble pride, surprise, anticipation and last of all, my phobias kicked in. Only one word looked my mind in its eyes. Rejection.

Fortunately i was wrong. Yet i felt fortunate i was, although outcomes were not as expected. The aura faded. I was back to my feeble self. All has come to an end. The end of all things? No. It is the mere begginning i realised.

To all friends who'd noticed my sudden silence, do not solicitate any further. My answer remains ambiguous, but i can tell you i am fine.

Big thanks to one and all. Carpe Diem Monsieurs!

************

2005-01-29T08:08:00.000+08:00

How many hearts do i have to break?
before one is successfully made?
The future already seems bleak
each passing day, each passing shade

How many mistakes have brought you pain?
before the vivid moments of joy?
am i naught but your living bane?
should i be banished or destroyed?

Through all this, guilt has crept
a silent killer, secretly kept
the pain you feel, it tortues me
it's worse than the sting of a thousand bees

Your anger, your anguish,
leads my inexorable languish
Your rage, your tears
makes me wound up in resigned fear

So where would you go when all the tears have gone?
To a land full of peaceful swans?
Would i be cleanly forgotten? Perhaps
Life would go on without relapse

i dream

2005-01-26T09:56:00.000+08:00

i dream
i can run
like the wind
and be strong
when my heart just wants to give in

i dream
i can be
that hero that's in me
i dream...
a dream...

My Oblivion?

2005-01-23T19:41:00.000+08:00

some say it's love at first sight
some say it's a special bond shared so bright
some say it's a never wavering light
some say it just feels so right

people tell me that oblivion should not be the way of life. Open up they say. I shall do a vote. for oblivion? or against oblivion. Tag box's waiting

Days

2005-01-21T21:08:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why these days i've been feeling exhausted. I have not an inkling why this is so. Could it be because ten years of education has finally drenched my soul? Or my unprecedented "sleep-late-wake-early" routine?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh thank my horrid internet i had to write the whole thing again. Sorry... lazy to think and type =p

Life

2005-01-18T19:13:00.000+08:00

Days grow weary. For some reason, i am feeling extremely drenched and battered. Mentally and perhaps, physically. Why? Essentially i thought of that. I'm afriad i will never find an answer. Too many things flow in and out of my fragile mind everyday, i can only absorb so much.

My life is still deteriorating. Let's say, i've been inconsistently going for lectures at odd intervals. I've not been doing tutorials consistantly. Everyday, an inner voice calls to me, pleading me to take a rest. I cannot take this anymore... Shall i falter? Shall i lay aside my burdens? I guess i will never know...

Wasted Day... Life goes on...

2005-01-12T21:05:00.000+08:00

Into the second weeks of the college. Today was a tiring day. YJC had oraganized unprecedented JC1 and JC2 gelling activity. It was pretty dull and meaningless, at least from my point of view. Firstly, it is nearly futile. It requires cooperation between students bounded together by the hand to get past a series of obstacles. Hardly any communication was made, except perhaps occasional snide remarks from people dislike this activity totally.

Another would be me being labelled so quickly as a band enthusiast. Upon the knowledge of a pristine, almost flawless soprano saxophone lying unused in the band room, i immediately became excited. I had never, NEVER touched such a perfect instrument before. Intonation and response was almost perfect. However, i wasnt allowed to try it until the next band practice.

On monday, when i went back (reluctantly only because my friend bugged me), i conincidentally realised the band was having practise. Upon entry, i was greeted with incredulous looks, as if all of them were telling me "THIS GUY WANTS TO JOIN BAND WILLINGLY? OH MY GOSH ENTHU!" .

Oh well, i tried the sax, i fixed it, got a solo, got a place, made some friends. Labels should fade hopefully, and i'm not sure if i'm gonna stay after all =p

More About The College

2005-01-08T21:13:00.000+08:00

Maybe a dillusion, but this college appears to have dismissed whatever bad rumours or impressions i had about them.

Wow and their band got two chio bu s... SELMER SOPRANO SAX AND A YANAGISAWA 991 ALTO SAX! (what were you thinking?) professional, pity no one is using them...

help... it has been the first week, and i have already seemingly accumulated much homework. Perhaps it's just normal JC life, but bombardment of homework on the first week? rather unorthodox.

All these activities aside.. i am still unable to come to a concrete conclusion upon my subject combinations. Science, our favourite "muggable" subjects. Concrete and objective answers, mathematical manipulations, and a simple logical chain of thoughts. "a" grade for you if you mug. Arts, subtle subjects, requires critical thinking, the ability to manipulate and understand the language, expressing yourself the way you want. But it is not easy at all...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

The days of languish in YJC?

2005-01-06T21:23:00.000+08:00

Here the first step into a fresh new environment. It has been my fourth day now. Lectures have begun, with orientation programmes squeezing into the schedule.

Firstly i must declare that the topic of this post is not rhetorical, neither do i intend to answer it. This might seem paradoxically strange, but bear with me.

I would doubt i find this college suitable for me in some ways, but we understand that nothing in life is flawless. This is, however, subjective. You might find your girlfriend the most perfect girl in the world. As the saying goes, one man's meat is another man's poison. Yet yes she has her flaws. Yet there is something i cannot describe with words which i do not feel good about this college. I feel bereft, of what i do not know.

After ceasing almost a month of writing, i have probably lost my touch. My apologies to all who expected something much more appealing or interesting written deftly with English, rather than a dull piece of work. That is all for today... Rest well

O levels... less work more efficiency

2004-10-14T21:48:00.000+08:00

blah... they are coming...

many are seen mugging. as again, terms used by singaporeans more as a passing remark or a taunt. known only to refer to as studying hard and assiduously without a break. oh well, good, but in a way overdone. So i decided to just... not study so much??? nope... i believe in efficiency. study smart... speaking of which i better go bye

Undecided...

2004-10-02T20:49:00.000+08:00

Which JC should i go? i cannot aim high, for my prelim results show i cant make it. Probably a mediocral Jc. Still undecided...

The exams draw closer, and i still do not know the exact dates. I'm pathetic, yes i know that. My results are subpar, probably owing to the lack of studying. My standards in English are plunging sub-consciously without me even knowing it. Everything is just not right.

Fortunately, i retook-up badminton. As a fulfilling game that relieves stress and helps maintain fit, cheap and practical, it is perfect. Especially at this time of the year, where everyone seems to be confining themselves to their study rooms and studying so hard (which unfortunately or fortunately i'm not). Sigh... Boredom, lack of motivation to study... What is wrong? i challenged my conscious, my will, myself. All i get is emptiness. It seems as if my soul is an abyss. Empty. Questions that have no answers.

Helplpppppp... If i dont find a waY tOMaK E mYSeL F StUdY ia M DoO Me D

Damn

2004-09-29T16:26:00.000+08:00

exam sick... if anyone read my last post try to forget i said anything at all...

Divine Proportion!??!!?

2004-09-25T22:03:00.000+08:00

This is so odd, but check this out :
measure the length from your elbow to your finger tips. then measure the length from your shoulder to elbow. Using the first length, divide it by the second length
believe it or not, it's 1.618

Others? include proportions of population, gender wise, lengths from your leg to knee, knee to waist. All of which you find yourself dealing with the number 1.618. This is known as the divine proportion.

It started from the discovery of the Fibonacci Series. Study the numbers below :
1 . 2 . 3 . 5 . 8 . 13 . 21 . 34 . 55 . 89 . 144 . 233 . 377
Notice that the preceding two number adds up to the next number? Seems simple enough
Notice that as the number increases, the number divided by the preceding number will equal to 1.618? It is using this simple law that makes our universe perfect, many philosphers claim.

Puzzling? i say this discovery proves only of a higher authorities' existance. God. Ponder over this amazing sequence. Remember the vitruvian man?

Leonardo da vinci actually knew the divine proportion, and exhumed corpses to study them carefully, thus coming up with his great masterpiece... Cool huh?

Blog Up again

2004-09-24T20:51:00.000+08:00

After some hardwork after that painful week of torturing prelims, my empty blog is back. Learn a lesson : ALWAYS BACKUP YOUR BLOG. I still have no idea what's going on, but well at least it's up again.

Check this miracle out : i've got 11 CCA points. Sounds very "natural" or "orthodox" for a band member. Point is, i'm a pure slacker, my attendance never reached very high either. Is fate finally turning for the better? Is there finally light at the end of the dark ominous road? I hope so. For some reason, my luck got me 29/30 for physics practical prelim 3. Rather amusing and surprising.

Blast but i know deep down in my heart my prelims are inexorably done for. A combination of lack of preparation and lack of brains would equate to disaster. I can only pray...

template down

2004-09-23T19:27:00.000+08:00

For some unknown reason the entire template blanked out... i'm re working on my blog... bah...

Artificial Motivation????!!?

2004-09-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

Once again i'm about to start criticising something. Today i'm going to discuss about "artificial motivation". Those who do not concur with me (chs ppl onli) at the end of this, only shows that Mr.Lee's brainwash is working impressively well.

Ever since our "great" principal took his virgin step into our school's office, he began employing a tactic which he used in his past schools in attempt to gear our results up. No doubt it is beneficial to a certain extent, i feel that it is utterly thrash. Let's see, forcing us to recite a brand new student's pledge. Repetition, that was extremely ingenious of him. To integrate permanantly the values of a gentleman. Notice it only works within the school? Once outside, everyone starts their own "fashion". Only when driven by fear it stops. Ah, fear. If you resort to fear, your brainwashing has failed in the first place.

Also, by using artificial motivation to push the sec4s, i feel it is a futile practise. You see, if motivation is not genuine, and generated artificially, the effects would explicit itself clearly. Some students would not buy it, some buy it but it wears off almost as quickly as it catches on. It DOES NOT WORK. Does anyone not see this?

By making use of these tactics on children whose minds have yet to veer toward a path of its own, it's fine. However to us, it is but a FUTILE practise. Adding its inefficiency, i wonder how of these are effective at all.

[source is from a student who hates his school. therefore the source is biased, thus making it unreliable. this can be seen from the one-sided viewpoint and heavily loaded language used in the text. however, the information is not entirely false. by contextual knowledge, the school indeed sucks to a certain extent.]

Why is it we persist?

2004-09-21T19:27:00.000+08:00

Many dislike studying like i do. It is a common phenomenon witnessed in Singapore. Have we questioned ourselves (especially muggers) this innocuous yet significant question - Why is it we persist? Perhaps some say it's for the sake of their future, some argue knowledge is power, rarely for interest.

Why do we persist when we lack interest? i've read this mocking YET meaningful equation "learn for knowledge, the more you learn the more you forget, and when you forget you get no knowledge, so why learn?" In most cases this is true. People say that, oh that statement is insipid and lacking of maturity, for learning does not mean you forget all the time. Yet learning allows you to apply the most fundamental rules in our society along the way, for it is not just facts. Point taken. However, this opposition cannot be seen on its own.

It does not take someone who is omniscient to realise that if you lack interest in something, you will not do it well. Also the fact that without a proper certification, your future is ruined. Even if one does remember facts or apply fundamental life skills in real life, does learning subjects you hate help? Eventually your job will be based on your education, so you would want to fight this aversion everyday for the rest of your life?

We must not forget that it was due to high levels of technology which evolved from education that is causing harm to our world. It is an indirect link, but it's still there. I'm going to be biased here and bring this up : If everyone were to be as stupid as we were 10000yrs ago, would earth degrade till such an extent?

Do you believe in fate? Do you believe in god? I believe in god, but I believe fate is in our very two hands. It is up to us to decide what would happen, and god would help us along the way. If we sin, god would forgive if we repent, and start anew. If everyone is conscious of their sins, we can use technology solely for the purpose of good. forget greed and selffulness. Let's make this world a better place.

Sick and tired?

2004-09-20T20:53:00.000+08:00

So i've decided to re-take violin, and my tone sounds constipated. I was rather frantic, when i later realised i forgot to apply/add/rub rosin on the bow -.-"

"It's only the prelims" many say, and as this repitition is heard everywhere, i gradually began to believe in this lie. Now i've realised, that it's too late. I've totally screwed this prelim really bad. Could this mean my future? Look i hate being pessimistic, but the truth is that I'VE GOT NO TALENTS. None at all. For people like alvin, he's got art. people like timothy, he's got music. I'm neither here nor there. In this degrading society, people like me only have one way out - to thrive academically and rise up the ranks with pure hardwork.

The hurdle here is - i'm NOT a mugger. NOT NEVER WILL BE ONE. I believe it's a rather stupid way of studying, memorising copious notes, then throwing them out after the exams. Isn't it pointless at all, making studying but a futile activity? However if i do not do so, i would inexorably fail in the society, for now we live upon the basis of another "C", "Certs". Sigh, to be honest, i'm rather sick and tired of this.

It's horrible. This world needs to be mended. Even if we survive the following generations' survival is threatened. Why can this not be done? Bombastic words like "intelligence" and "evolution". In lay-man's terms, er, er, ok here's the formula

humans -> smart -> want to be comfortable -> (money drives the world) ergo need money
-> selfish (not everyone, but minority is sufficient) ->inconsiderate ->problems (pollution etc.)

i'll decide not to touch politics... too toooooo sensitive... and i'm bored anyway...

2004-09-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

Testing

Why is it siblings are asinine irritants?

2004-09-18T20:57:00.000+08:00

My brother is the quintessence of idiocy. Why am i writing this? Let me attempt to express my anger in lay-man terms.

He is more than just a parasite. Hogging(this ain't a word but it means STAYING ON WITHOUT LETTING OTHERS USE) the computer for more than 3 hours everyday, only letting me use it during the night, where i usually have to do my work. Isn't that enough? Fine, so since his low interllect got him into a rather delinquent school, he's constantly receiving bad influence. Today, asking for a little privacy to do my blog, he STONED at the screen PURPOSEFULLY. When i poke him a little to get him moving, he returned a punch. Concordantly this was unreasonable (i'm trying to sound like the architect so even if this sounds odd bear with it). Ergo my "reflexes" attempted to defend myself, and it erupted in a pillow fight. Ok, PILLOW FIGHT = sounds lame right? no violence, just gestures of anger.

Then what he did? Poured water over my desk, broke my palm cover(almost spoiling my palm in the process), stole the violin scale studies i just bought, and my place was in utmost chaos. The anomaly of his character is inherent to his ill influence. He irrevacobly denies this. (architect??!?)
fine back to proper english.

I am assuming everyone read timothy zhan's trilogy about the aftermath events of StarWars? Remember when our exalted and revered Jedi Master (dark) C'baoth taught luke about jedi being judges? impartial ones? My dad's EXACTLY like him. Started blaming me for not giving way to my bro.FInE i admit i was er, overreactive? bah... Now i'm complaining like the asinine fool.

Sigh?

2004-09-15T19:32:00.000+08:00

ever once regretted doing something? wished time was at your beckon and call? wished you had the power to wiine those hands?

definitely, everyone has their moments. You peel your head over it, blaming yourself or others. Funny isnt it? i've once read this "encouraging" poster, "to succeed in life, you must know who to blame".

i spent some time over this philosphy and... Indeed we cannot dwell in the past, for the future is always in motion, you must prepare for it. Yet the past must not be forgotton. Many know the philosphy i've stated. But i have come to realise something. The future is always in motion due to a constant we all know as choice. One choice leads to another, followed by another, fused with another person's choice, thus the entire equation's constant is choice. Yet once chosen, the proceeding events are irrevocable. Complication in the latter is normal. If we do not understand this, we would take choices we make lightly.

Every choice is important. Whether marraige, love, work, daily events, money, they are all equally important. Some only appear on the macro scale which imposes a larger impact, for example love. The subtility of love makes is difficult to describe, especially when unsure if it has been felt. What matters is the choices we make must be sensible, must be feel right, must not victimize any in the process.

Why am i so obliviouS?

The Emptiness...

2004-09-12T17:42:00.000+08:00

My heart beats
Thumping hard
A deep abyss
nothing felt

bereft of emotions
no will to study
no will to move on
the emptiness will prevail...

Mugg-o-Mania?

2004-09-11T21:06:00.000+08:00

Every corner you turn, whether you find yourself looking at a fast-food restaurant, libraries, food courts, you never fail to find people studying these days. Yes, which brings us to a healthy point - singaporeans are beefing themselves up, making ourselves competitive citizens of the countries. However, looking one-sidedly definitely you would not see the flaws.

question yourself - what are you studying for? Yes, naturally, everyone would exclaim ,"to get good results of course!" Exactly! we are all studying for the one thing that will decide our future, our results. Singaporeans have all become "exam smart", which means they are adriot at spotting questions, studying solely for the sake of examinations, study all day long, and finally, those grades would unquestionably come with the efforts.

but have we ever put in any thought that, why sometimes, international companies would tend to prefer people of less qualifications than to choose singaporeans? the answer lies in our inapt ability to apply skills we have learnt. We have become exam smart, don't you agree?

i'm not the mugging sort, but when it comes to interest like maybe music, i study to make myself better? yea... guys try not to be exam smart, make yourselves more useful... bleh.... is this nagging?

Hail Physics?

2004-09-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

On a wild goose chase to obtain physics stuff... i realised everyone was mugging so hard and i'm kept in the dark.. "OBLIVIOUS!" my friends who know me well call me, for i'm not the mugging sort. Then my class will start calling me a physics pro, why? basically because i topped the class while i only did ONE revision paper. Technically HALF, because it was merely a fragment of paper one. Shall i proudly announce it was nanyang girls high's 2001 prelim paper? Probably, owing to the versatality of their questions.

Is that all? the prelims are around the corner, i have not felt the urge to start yet, although i admittedly started (stop calling me a hypocrite! i'm NOT a six pointer).

(this blog post is admittedly a callous act of desperation, calling out for no apparent reason. Ergo, concordantly, vis-á-vis)

This Day Is To Be Remembered?

2004-09-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

Everyday in our lives, we find ourselves rushing. Point to point, vis-á-vis business, dates, and the day just passes, slipping through our inner conscience. Ergo, we are unable to sit down to appreciate even the simplest moment. Do you have to wait till a pertinent moment where you and your sweetheart make out before you get your inner conscience into alert mode? Everyday is a percious gift from god, more often than not, was never remembered.

Upon listening to PierraLaPlante's American riversongs, moments of that triumph moment flows back, yet is flows back not as water, but as mercury, feeding poisonous and painful memories to my brain. Things were forgotten, perhaps out of my own ignorance that caused this? Or was it because CCAs now a days do not recognise the importance of studies? i do not wish to talk about this again...

whether or not, i guess it's all up to fate... sigh...

Politics!??!!???

2004-09-08T20:27:00.000+08:00

made a seriously erm... sub-par attempt to make a rhyming poem... it goes like

a problem
the game begins
suggestions made
shot down again
transparency proclaimed
secrets remain
moral drought
edification sought
critisms made often
never taken
thrown aside
abhorred
a dirty game
it's all the same

i had no idea... my inspiration came in a rather odd way, ergo, resulting in the ODDNESS in this ODD poem... my vocab is deplorable no doubt, that was why i repeated ODD. vis-a-vis ! CONCORDANTLY! although i have no idea what the hell i'm talking about... thought it'll just make me sound cool (:D the matrix spoof?)

Denouncement

2004-09-06T21:39:00.000+08:00

Let me tell you something... If you are in the process of choosing your CCA, do not choose band. As one of the worst CCAs, backed by much evidence and basis as i would explain below.

Music comes before studies. This statement was rather, more often than not, heard. At least in CHSSB. Do you wish to do very well in music, be an inspiring leader, flourish in the industry of music, and end up getting shunt by the society for poor grades. This is preposterous, yet you realise this happening in our band? On a hidden scale of course, transperency was never practised.

By excusing ourselves in the name of studies, the act was seen more of recalcitrance than of accomodation. In return? We are bereft of CCA points and deemed as a member who has not contributed much. It seemed like abuse of untrammelled power! To take and not to give! Leading to the possibility of the destruction of your future. Your life is but a ball lying precariously on a knife.

I appeal to all strongly, to reconsider, for in Singapore anyway, musicians were never given life...

Boredom

2004-09-03T19:52:00.000+08:00

The Chinese papers! As our revered principal Mr.Lee Hak Boon said, "99 pupils, on a quest for distinction!" Does he not care for other subjects? Does he only want his reputation? These we cannot answer, but those who believe that i am wrong, let me ask you something. Let's play a little bit of reverse-reverse psychology? It sounds rather crude, but Mr.Lee said, "Whatever grade you get, whatever the school ranking is, i would not get a pay-cut?"

Let's analyse this sentence. It is what we call a "reverse-psychology" statement. He makes this statement as a REASSURANCE.
This is to tell us that, it is on our own will to retake this examination, that it is no mass coerce, yet what happened? We, the people who do not wish to retake, were summoned one by one. Using methods of guilt and playing with our innocent conscience, they got everyone to retake this paper. This is preposterous!

Today

2004-09-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

The english prelims... I do have a little more confidence this time, owing to the fact i'm begun getting more aware of my achilles' heel and certain english stuff i've never known. However, the exams were oddly difficult, and as usual, temporal amnesia overtook me. i had come up with one of the worst plots ever....
sigh...

Cosmex Exhibition

2004-08-29T21:14:00.000+08:00

The roads were packed. Cars were weaving in and out of the large volumous buses, motorcycles trying hard to cut pass the crowd, and we realised everyone was centralising upon one single destination - Suntec City. The overheadbridge was practically flowing with pedestrains, like an army of ants marching on a single thin branch. Everyone's heading to the cosmex exhibition, the biggest IT exhibition to have come to singapore. At least that was what they claim it is.

There was a chinese idiom, when translated into english it's "it's so packed even water cant flow". I think that was the scenario there. It was absolutely overcrowded. One cannot deny the great deals there though. 1gb SD cards at 260!!! remember this is AUGEST 2004!!! Oh gosh...

May Emotions Flow

2004-08-29T09:16:00.000+08:00

I realised, including some comments from my friends, that my blog has too much morbid and depressive emotions running all over. It's more like a funeral blog. The music, colour, poems. wow, i feel as if my optimism has finall betrayed me. The urge and motivation to study has left me, but i wonder if this change is perpetual.

To light my blog up, i'll attempt to come up with a poem on a more cheerful basis, within five min...

this is so dead... for the first time i cannot think of any. what is happening to me? am i falling into a pitless abyss? is life moving to the right direction? Are questions no longer answered?
whatever the case... i've no idea... just sit and think... think... think...

how to be successful

2004-08-27T21:12:00.000+08:00

a self help guide had stated the following :
-be decisive
-follow your intuition
-use your common sense
-expand your vocab
-be creative
-have a high self esteem
- work hard now, or work harder later

yea i've decided i'll take law
my intuition tells me i should go to hell
my common sense is worse than cow sense
my vocab sux
i never was creative
my self esteem is far too high
work hard now work harder later

lonely

2004-08-27T20:29:00.000+08:00

i do not know but... i require a title to this poem... wrote it for fun again... if it sounds horrible feel free to shout...

black,
devoid of colours
but not all colours are good

silence,
endless emptiness
yet not all sounds soothe

tears,
let them flow
for not all tears are evil

let the grey clouds clear
let the golden sun shine upon
let the brown fallen leafs give new hope
let the yellow winds sweep the cold
let teh black night never come

sounds corny... have no idea how i came up with poems. They say poems come in the form of inspiration. Yet my language as seen from the poem itself is disgusting. Never know when i would get out of this. The prelims heralds the end of our lessons. Now it's nothing but study. The days where we could get together and actually enjoy ourselves are gone...

i'm bad at painting pictures with words, for the "words" part, i do not have. Many say english require skill, some study english, most say its all about practise. The latter may be the most agreeable of all, however, skills are important as well.

today draws to another unfruitful end. every evening the sun falls below the horizon, as if collecting back the rays of light it had given. we never noticed this huh. we are always too busy... busy... busy...

stress

2004-08-25T20:39:00.000+08:00

Tags, tags and more tags. For those who have experience in handling them, surely it is nothing more than routine. For greenhorns like me, it is a hassle. Look around if you are actually reading this. Look at how disorganized and messy the entire blog is. You see links flying where it should not have been, tag boxes vandalised and spammed, picture links being closed due to copyrights... Rather crude in that sense...

the screwed up science practical. i sometimes wonder why the school wants to scare us. they have their intentions, which are positively good, but had never ceased to ponder of the adverse consequences. the students would feel depressed and chagrin would overcome them, making them feeling inferior and imcompetent. Then it would go on to take away all remainding hopes they have left... Wonder sometimes why education comes down so hard on us these days. Unequivocally, singapore has to depend of manpower to survive, but you do not push the society too hard. You heard of the saying "you push too hard and they'll push back". It works both ways. nothing more to say about today...

dead man's day

2004-08-24T20:00:00.000+08:00

the last day of lessons. a promising thought. yet a worrying one.

it seems to everyone that finally, the exams draw closer with each passing day. stress absorbed by ourselves manifest in many ways, including the increasing degree of lameness displayed, more people going deranged, premature balding etc. It is a unvarying sight at school. You see classes like 4-1 and 4-11 talking about work, and you cannot help but feel ashamed by your own laziness. You see classes like 4-8 throwing their balls around like a bunch of people who are bereft of entertainment. It was very odd, for you could see the immense concentration on their faces, frowning in a warrior's stance, aiming adriotly with one eye, and with all his might projects the ball like a bullet toward the other board. Only to find that, in his chagrin, it was more like gunbound projectiles floating up and down routinely.

Then the discovery that our form teacher, once again, due to her overwhelming concern combined with a total lack of experience (a HORRIBLE combination a assure you), shoved us myriads of homework, worse than your boss walking into your office, dumps you a mountain-load of files, then walking out indignantly with a haughty posture.

Oh well... everyday is precious. It is like a reward, a gift, that god gave to all of us. Once this day has ended, you will not be able to buy it back. You can only sit down at your very own hard brown chair, reminsce and regret or humour at past events (probably like what i'm doing now). I advise everyone to treasure our days... for all you know, they are numbered...

Today?

2004-08-22T22:15:00.000+08:00

Woke up with the determination of discovering a new route that avoids the busy and hazardous expressway and to get myself to dunearn road successfully. I found that road, but was unfortunately ALMOST knocked down by 3 buses and 4 cars (note the words used).
then the boring part. imagine, a hot humid day, in a warm room, forcing yourself to think of a yet unconventional plot for the title "a happy reunion". You are like warm and sticky, your brain refuses to work, and yet... you have to work? isnt this preposterous?

well life goes like that... sorry i cannot provide a poem a day... will write again soon

The Path Of Death

2004-08-21T20:19:00.000+08:00

another irksome day. we were coerced to sitting a paper. worse still, it was in a frigid room. it was almost like sitting in your refrigerator. how crap can teachers get? starting the day with a test, claiming that our minds are fresh and mercurial. As a matter of fact, we were half dazed in sleep(probably again due to our unwavering support for the olympics). Then, when it came to the declaration of who was to be assigned to which teacher, everyone was praying hard again. Not as if it would help much. In the end, i was assigned to one of the worst teachers. Simplistic, an averse attitude toward word, undedicated, and always known as mokutou, yes it is definately the last teacher whom you wish you'd have... bah enough of today.. while stoning i came up with this poem.

Light Recedes
the world closes in
futile crys of mercy
jerks
all has frozen

a vast wide sea
over the horizon
an immaculate sun
beams
hope flows

narrow paths
surrounded by green expanse
of unblemished grass
where souls
rest in perpetual peace

The Calling?

2004-08-20T18:48:00.000+08:00

It was a stormy day. It was boring, another uneventful day at school, and there i was, sitting in front of my computer. I do not know what got into me, but i wrote this anyway :

TheCalling

A step outside
the subtility of the wind
it stops
it howls
it is telling something
A dead leaf passes
i stare blankly

A step outside
the wind grew in strength
it blew
it raged
it is telling someting
More dead leaves pass
i stare blankly

A step outside
the wind died down
it strugged
it shivered
it is telling something
nothing passed
i stare blankly

A step outside
the wind dissappeared
the storm has cleared
i saw the world
i saw hope
this was what it says
i took my coat and left

Poems...

2004-08-20T18:43:00.000+08:00

Well to start off with, i've been thinking of poems. Actually it was an assignment. I was timid, afraid to write, afraid of being laughed at for being naive, afraid of rejection. Then i had a brainwave. I felt god's presence. He purged my fears. I began to open my heart, and let my feelings take control. My first poem, was dedicated to a heartbreak of a friend

A Sombre Soul

A windswept plain
silent rustles
insignificantly

presence of tears
seraphic drops
coalesced into a knife

the barrier is lifted
the sound of a heart
shattering into fragments

the world narrows
disappears into a vast space
nothing was left

all but a nomad soul
lost perpetually
in cruel darkness

Welcome

2004-08-20T18:39:00.000+08:00

I would like to say thank you to all who would visit my blog site...

I would also like to introduce to you my world... To tell you my thoughts and my feelings... My opinions...

I wish you a pleasant stay here!